You are only as happy as your most unhappy child, they say. Your concern is legitimate; it makes a parent sad when the life they envisioned for a child isn't turning out to be the life that child is living.
That said, your daughter is on the cusp of many hormonal changes and this passage from 11 to 18 is a bumpy ride due to that. What you are seeing today is not predictive of the adult Jo, although it is not easy to see beyond what you are witnessing right now.
I remember when my younger child, Camille, went through an anxious stage where she thought I might not be her "real" mother, but a substitute who was wearing a mask that just looked like me. (She has been watching far too much television at that point in her life.) So we made up a secret password that only her real mother would know (Peanut Butter, it was) and when she needed to check in regarding my true identity, she'd have me say the secret password.
This was a helpful way to deal with her fear, as it acknowledged that her fear was real (I didn't just poo-poo it away as "stupid") and gave her a tool--the secret word--to use when she felt this particular anxiety come up.
Her passage from 11 to (now) 16 was tremendously stressful for me, but I have to say (and I hope this gives you hope) that today she is just like any other 16 year old. She no longer experiences what one might call irrational fears, no more panic attacks (that was a big challenge last year, and had her in weekly therapy). What did remain were all the funny quirky things that make her Camille...a hilarious sense of humor and a kind, sensitive and loving child.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2013-12-09 09:27 am (UTC)That said, your daughter is on the cusp of many hormonal changes and this passage from 11 to 18 is a bumpy ride due to that. What you are seeing today is not predictive of the adult Jo, although it is not easy to see beyond what you are witnessing right now.
I remember when my younger child, Camille, went through an anxious stage where she thought I might not be her "real" mother, but a substitute who was wearing a mask that just looked like me. (She has been watching far too much television at that point in her life.) So we made up a secret password that only her real mother would know (Peanut Butter, it was) and when she needed to check in regarding my true identity, she'd have me say the secret password.
This was a helpful way to deal with her fear, as it acknowledged that her fear was real (I didn't just poo-poo it away as "stupid") and gave her a tool--the secret word--to use when she felt this particular anxiety come up.
Her passage from 11 to (now) 16 was tremendously stressful for me, but I have to say (and I hope this gives you hope) that today she is just like any other 16 year old. She no longer experiences what one might call irrational fears, no more panic attacks (that was a big challenge last year, and had her in weekly therapy). What did remain were all the funny quirky things that make her Camille...a hilarious sense of humor and a kind, sensitive and loving child.